i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Sext me about skeletons
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
