Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
A bitchslap is in order.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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