If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
