so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
