We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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