I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Are we in a gay sports bar?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
