someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
