Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
