OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
