ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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