did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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