When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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