I'm eating all of the evidence.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
where does the pee come out of this thing
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
