It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
