so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
