what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
