Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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