I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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