youre lurking in front of me
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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