wakey wakey hands off snakey
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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