so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
