do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
