whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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