it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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