My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
