hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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