the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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