hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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