TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
