Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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