I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
