I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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