I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
