Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
