woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
