I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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