I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
