yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
