I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Someone signed my nipple.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
