Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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