I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
