But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
