you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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