The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
