Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
