my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
