i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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