Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
