You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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