You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
