A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
